5 KIDS!?!? You must be crazy!

These are my girls....smallest to largest: A1 (age 3), S (5), and K (7)-

 Oy! Do I ever hear this...ALL.....THE....TIME! If you haven't caught on yet I am pregnant...with my fifth child!  Yes, five.  Whoa, when I first learned of this, to be honest my first reaction was shock...don't get me wrong...I do know what causes it....contrary to what some might think....

A2 age 22 months (He was a year in this picture)

Holding A1 after delivery

Husband and A2

Shock because our entire family dynamic was and is about to change...again.  Was this planned....lets put it this way, as my doctor says: "We weren't trying, but we weren't not trying...." If that makes any sense to you at all.  This came after many people were saying to my husband (including myself) "When ya gonna get fixed...the ol' snip-a-roo-y...the chop chop..." 4 kids crazy....5 kids...inconceivable! "Fixed" HA, there is nothing broken..obviously.  It began to sound like they were talking about an animal....like a dog gets fixed...me too.  I can only imagine what was going through his head.

I know that for most people its hard to imagine life with this many kids, as a matter of fact, many view them as a burden, not a blessing.  I often hear things like:

• Wow, I don't know how you do it
• You must go crazy
• How do you have time?
• Aren't you exhausted
• Don't you know how that happens
• Why.....
• My new favorite now that I am obviously showing: "Wow, you look really good for having five kids" ( Which one may take for a compliment but imagine the tone the comment is made in...typically shock, surprise....questioning)
• How do you afford it  on one income
• Soooooo....When do you plan on stopping....

I think people expect to see me as haggard, boobs to the floor, sweatpants, messy hair, no makeup etc! It makes me laugh to imagine the image they must be congering in their minds!  I get it, its okay.  It took me a while to brush off the stares when we go into town, now I even laugh.  Imagine 4 kids: ages 22 months, 3, 5, 7 and a pregnant Momma walking through Costco.....funny right.  Especially if you know my kids.  They're not your quiet kids...these are rambunctious, rowdy, fun loving kids....just like their mother.  I am often stopped by, usually older women, or women with new babies (their first) and they ask, "Are these ....ALLLLL...Yours." I smile and say yes or sometimes if I am feeling particularly chirpy I may say, "I'm pretty sure...they just kind of follow me around."  I usually get a good laugh for that....usually.  That question is typically followed up with: "Wow, you are a brave women to bring ALL of them out with you..." You see, I see brave as jumping off a cliff, or bridge, or facing down some crazed lunatic with a gun (my brother proudly serves our country...he's our hero....That folks, is bravery)....I guess everyone has a definition of brave.  Oh the stories I can tell...about my childhood that is!  And I love to see many of the lessons I learned being handed down to my kids.  So in answer to a lot of these questions....

• By God's infinite Grace...That's how I do it....I am so blessed with an amazing group of friends...most of which have 3 or more children, who can relate.  I can call these ladies and vent, cry, get advice, etc.  I certainly could not do it on my own, that is for sure...and for all my complaints...my husband is my hero!
• Yes, I go crazy..some days more than others....borderline asylum crazy....Its chaotic...but its not the kind of chaos most would think....It's a peaceful chaos...If that make sense to you then you must have more than three kids yourself!
• I admit, this one is a struggle for me...my time is MINE right? Wrong! I have 4 + kiddos demanding my attention and I really had to learn time management....correction still am learning time management:
• I gave up Facebook....I don't think that Facebook is evil...it simply became a time consuming black hole for me.  I miss it, a lot.  It's kind of sad really. I do still have my Pinterest....I have to be very careful with that one.....
• I learned (am learning) to say no.  I love to serve others, whether its teaching a class, speaking at an event, having friends over, etc.  I am a VERY social person.  But, I only have so much time and energy and right now it is directed at my family.  If I spread my self to thin, which I was (and still tend to do), I don't have a lot left over for them.
• I put my phone on silent...it comes back to that social butterfly thing....If I start talking to an adult...especially since I am around kids all day...5 minutes turns into an hour.
• A funny side note on that one...I recently flew out to the East Coast to meet my new nephew...I called home every night and could hardly hear anything anyways...to much happy chaos in the background!
• Yes, I am completely and utterly exhausted at the end of every day, I am more tired now than I ever was when I worked in the corporate world.  But I wouldn't trade it for the World.
• Yes, I know how it happens...I happen to have a marriage, and in a healthy marriage lies a healthy sex life....that's right ladies...I still desire my husband, and amazingly...he still desires me.
• Why not?  What holds you back?  Before I found out I was preggo with number five I was completely against having more.  Now, I no longer see it the way I saw it.  It's very hard to explain.  There are the obvious things: finances, losing my figure...again, adding more chaos to our....chaos, giving up more of my time, energy, strength...etc.
• You'll notice how all these things are "Worldly things".....Things that I have to give up, like my time, my energy, finances...but are these really mine in the first place.  I make the mistake of thinking that I am the only person in this world...or that I have control over this world...
• Side note....I am not advocating everyone should go out have a million children.....

•  I certainly am not a supermodel, but I do try to take care of myself
• There are certain things you give up on a single income (45K-55K / year) to support a family of 7, but it helps that we have no debt except for our house.....and Snap On....The Snap On man and I have a love hate relationship....its vital to my husband work....but I hate owing anyone anything
• I'll have to share with you, one of these Blogs, how we got out of debt.
• I have thought about this one hard.  I certainly am not aiming to outdo the Duggars but, I believe that God has a plan for our family and we will follow along with it.   I follow my husbands lead as well, if he says we're done...we're done.  Goodness, before any of you start to think I am some oppressed female....get that thought out your head...I am, by far, more outspoken than my husband, but I also respect his lead....and how can he lead if I stand in the way?  If he tells me he wants 20 kids though, he may not live to see the next day.

It has taken me along time to get to the point I am at.  It took, nearly loosing a child (A2 was born with a heart defect that was not caught until he was coding in the emergency room), a major melt down after A2's miraculous recovery, and the gentle guidance of my amazing circle of friends, family and church.  I still struggle...the rebel in me wants to yell my rebel yell...to act as the World expects me to act...But, as I have said above, my time will come, when I have no kidlets following me around, when I am not changing diapers, cleaning up vomit (I did that as I wrote this post) Spending hours homeschooling. But until then this is my life.  It doesn't mean I am some bored lady, where the only thing I can talk about are my kids.....I have hobbies....but, right now, in this moment, they are my priority...right after God and my husband.   For Pete's sake....I am only 28 years old....I have plenty of life left in me!

Gah! I love this man, Husband and I...If I look tired, we went to a wedding, where my husband was in it, 2 weeks after I delivered A1....I am pooped!